Monday, September 12, 2011

Abbott and Costello in 2011


If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today,
their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?'
might have turned out something like this:
 
COSTELLO CALLS TO
BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and 
I'm thinking about buying a computer.
 
 ABBOTT: Mac?
 COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
 ABBOTT: Your computer?
 COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
 ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
 COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
 ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
 COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals,
 track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
 ABBOTT: I just did.
 COSTELLO: You just did what?
 ABBOTT: Recommend something.
 COSTELLO: You recommended something?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
 COSTELLO: For my office?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
 COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
 ABBOTT: Office.
 COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
 ABBOTT: I just did.
 COSTELLO: You just did what?
 ABBOTT: Recommend something.
 COSTELLO: You recommended something?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
 COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
 ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
 ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
 COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just
say 
I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
 ABBOTT: Word.
 COSTELLO: What word?
 ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
 COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
 ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
 COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you
don't start with some straight answers.
COSTELLO: What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything
I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
 ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
 ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
 ABBOTT: Yes.  At no extra charge.
 COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
 ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
 ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy
Money.
 COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
 (A few days later)
 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
 ABBOTT: Click on 'START'